All Week

For the past week I've thought about what to write.

I don't want to write anything that makes me appear too pretentious; like I am in any position to give anybody any helpful advice on homemaking, or home schooling, or gardening, or even being a parent.

Sometimes I wish I was a Pinterest parent. But I am not. Not at all.

I am sitting at my computer at 11 on Friday night, staring at my printer which is home to a dress that I haven't tried on, an empty egg carton to return to my dad, a shoe with two insoles sticking out of it because my daughter likes to rip them out (not sure where the matching shoe went ... oh well, it's been sitting there so long they're too small anyway), a rainbow loom, a renewal slip for the post office box that I can't renew because I need to get a new passport, and bank statements from 2 months ago ... and that's just on my printer. I don't even dare mention the other stuff ... although saying that made me stop and throw some papers into the recycling beside me because, let's be honest, I'm never going to read them.

So, although I am a homemaker, and a home schooling mom, and I love gardening, and I most definitely am a parent I don't feel I have much to offer people in the way of advice.  I have had to let go of a lot of expectations I placed on myself.

My house will never be perfect. It's not me. I hope to get better. But if I don't allow people over because of the chaos I will never ever have anyone over.

Our schooling right now consists of ... well, not of very much. We read and do some phonics as well as some math, sometimes. And that's about it. It was very hard to come to the realization that I can't do it all and buying the super cool curriculum with all these crazy activities involved just stressed me out and took all the fun out of school for me, and in turn for my kids.

My garden is only half planted. And by half planted I mean that most of what is there is growing from stuff I let die last year. My tomatoes come in GREAT! And I never do anything. Not even water them. I love gardening but we don't have a yard. It is all in this sandy patch of dirt beside my house which will be paved over this fall (Boo! But it must be done ... ) and in containers. I am trying my hand at raspberries and blackberries in large pots. We will see how that goes.

And being a parent? Well, I am sucking in that department. I'm hoping this is just a season. I am not a nice mom. And I used to be. I used to be loving, patient (most of the time), and fun to be around. But I'm not anymore. I don't like it. I don't like being the yelling, swearing parent. It doesn't line up with what I believe or what I would teach my children was right. We are transitioning into the teen years with my oldest and my youngest is just a year (we have 4). It is not an easy time and there are many other issues with them individually. I just feel so ill equipped. Maybe everybody does?

So that is what my week has been. How can I come here and tell people how wonderful my life is (which it is ... but you know what I mean) and watch what I do because I do it so well. I don't want to put on the Vaseline smile and give you one more blog to make you feel like an inadequate person ... because we are not all we're cracked up to be on Pinterest. Well, some of us are. I call them keeners ... and good for them. Because if I could do it I would. But I can't. So I won't. Because I'm pretty sure it would turn me into a terrible, crazy old bat!

And that is that. I am now motivated to clean off my desk before I go to bed.

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